Be your own best friend

September 2024

It's not about feeling bad... It's about knowing you could feel better. I was becoming complacent. I had a new frenemy, a little voice in my head that started, around January 2024, She was a sassy thing, who kept popping up it inoportune moments. The best way I can describe her is like Sgaeyl from Fourth Wing when you get to the chapters from Xaden's POV. She was saying shit I didn't want to here. I didn't belive her, surely it was all nonsense.

A year ago I decided to make a change. I started small, by downloading a tracking app. I already had the food scale (thank you Sourdough hobby). The tipping point?

I'm not really sure.

It was the small voice that kept saying 'oh yeah?'.

The small voice was getting louder, it had been for about 9 months. The first time I heard it was when I ordered jeans and they didn't fit. But Wrangler's run small. I told the voice in my head.

I've always been fairly active, riding horses, walking my dogs, hiking, playing with my niblings. And it was getting harder.

It's the humidity, that's the reason. I told the voice when I struggled through a hike at McConnells Mill.

It's my hormones. I told the voice when my cramps wrapped around my back, causing fevers and vomiting.

It's the shoes. I told the voice when my knees ached constantly.

But, there were things I didn't have answers for...

The acne. I was using more skin care than ever, better quality and it wasn't helping. When you're using anti-aging and anti-ance treatments simultaneously, it's harder to ignore the voice.

The sleep. Or the lack of sleep. The multiple cups of coffee ( and Red bull) couldn't keep me up during the day or the drive home from work. But then I wasn't sleeping either.

The pains. I've been an Advil girlie as long as I can remember, I had my first reactive arthritis bout as a kid, But the dull ache in my knees was becoming constant. The back pain. The neck pain. The limited range of motion. During my yoga classes my breath was ragged, sharp pains in my abdomen radiated when I twisted.

Finally, it was The Visit. The doctor's visit where I laughed and said don't tell me what it says when she weighed me. I had an idea but I didn't want to know. I was busy, and I felt fine and it was all good.

Then as I laid there that hot September afternoon, not sleeping, checking emails, I saw a bill from WVU, which led me to MyChart and then a visit summary. At the bottom was my vitals. And my weight. And my bloodwork.

The voice had been right. It wasn't the jeans, or the humidity, or the hormones or the shoes. I was inflamed. I was exhausted. I was dehydrated and anemic and full of endometriosis. If anyone else I loved had told me the things I was experiencing I would be concerned, I would ask them daily how they were, I would beg them to see a doctor.

So I decided to become; my own best friend.

August 2025